20. How Embracing Praise Helps You Overcome Imposter Syndrome
Have you ever felt like a fraud, despite your accomplishments? You're not alone. A staggering 75% of executive women have experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their careers. But what if I told you that embracing compliments and positive feedback could be the key to overcoming self-doubt and unlocking your full potential as a leader?
In this episode, I dive into the surprising science behind why receiving praise is more than just a nice-to-have - it's a critical skill that can elevate your career and shift your self-concept from doubt to confidence.
Discover how learning to fully accept compliments can transform the way you see yourself, strengthen your leadership, and silence that nagging inner critic. Join me as we explore practical strategies for savoring compliments, building resilience, and cultivating a mindset of self-assurance. By the end of this episode, you'll have the tools you need to embrace your value, step into your power, and lead with unshakable confidence.
If you haven’t already, please follow the podcast and leave a rating and review to let me know what you think. I'm creating this show just for you, so I want to know what you would like to hear about in the coming episodes. Find complete instructions here!
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
Why 75% of executive women experience imposter syndrome and how to overcome it.
The surprising science behind how accepting compliments boosts self-esteem and perceived competence.
How to resist the urge to deflect praise and start savoring compliments as a confidence-building practice.
Practical strategies for internalizing positive feedback and building resilience in high-stakes situations.
The ripple effect of knowing your worth as a leader.
How embracing your unique strengths and value allows you to lead with clarity and confidence.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
If you haven’t already, please follow the podcast and leave a rating and review to let me know what you think. Find complete instructions here!
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study on accepting compliments and self-esteem
Harvard Business Review article on leaders who receive positive feedback effectively
American Psychological Association study on accepting compliments and self-esteem
Full Episode Transcript:
Did you know that 75% of executive women have experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their careers? Or that leaders who embrace compliments and positive feedback are not only more confident but also significantly more effective in their roles?
In today's episode, we'll explore how learning to fully accept compliments can transform the way you see yourself. Strengthen your leadership and silence self-doubt. Discover the surprising science behind why receiving praise is more than just a nice-to-have. It’s a critical skill that can elevate your career and shift your self-concept from doubt to confidence. Don't miss this opportunity to unlock your full potential and lead with unshakable assurance.
Welcome to The Balanced Leader, hosted by Yann Dang, a Leadership and Life Coach with over 20 years of corporate experience. Drawing from her journey as a former global finance leader and second-generation immigrant, Yann understands the unique challenges women face in male-dominated workplaces.
Each episode offers insights on balancing masculine and feminine energies, mastering soft skills, and building emotional intelligence. Join us to transform frustration into empowerment and unlock your authentic leadership potential.
Hey podcast listeners, welcome to today's show. We are talking about overcoming imposter syndrome by using a simple strategy. And that strategy is really about embracing the power of compliments and positive attention.
So I just want you to check in with yourself and notice from a scale of one to five, how good am I about receiving compliments? So five would be I'm really good. Like if somebody talks to you and tells you that you've done an amazing job on something and that you presented really in a way that impressed them and was clear and confident and you're just like, yes, yes, I know I did that and I feel it in my bones and I received that compliment and I know I worked really hard, then you might be at five.
And then a one would be like super surprised, like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that person actually said that to me. Like, I am floored, I cannot believe that was something that somebody said. Usually people are probably more at like a two or three, right, one is pretty exaggerated. But you just wanna notice because if you are at a one, that just means that there is greater and greater levels of growth for you in terms of overcoming imposter syndrome.
So today's episode is just on this because I oftentimes talk about how for women, the difference between how other people view you and how you view yourself, if there's a big gap in that positive will or positive attention or really great feelings, and you also notice you're somebody who, if somebody says something amazing about you that you love and respect, that you're like, wow, I can really believe it now. I believe that even more than me saying it myself.
You just know that there's opportunity here for you to work on your own self-talk and your ability to truly receive and take in and savor that positive attention. And I wanna share with you why this is such an important practice. I will give you some stats and we're gonna dive into that.
But what happens when we say, oh, I was just lucky, or if somebody says like, hey, you guys, you did an amazing job leading your team to execute on this project and you say oh I actually didn't do that big of a deal it was actually my team they did a great job, it seems really weird it seems like you are not able to attract that attention or accept that attention it makes the other person feel strange. Like, what's up with this person? Do they not see themselves as clearly as I see them? Or am I missing something?
So you're unintentionally telling people when you don't know how to accept a compliment or take it in fully that you somehow don't deserve it, you're not worthy of it, it was just a fluke. And so then there's this unintentional vibe that goes out into the world based on how you feel about yourself. And I want to let you know this is something you can actually control.
And this happened to me once, actually. The CFO of our company actually won this huge award. I remember I was like a finance manager at the time. And I heard about my CFO winning this award, and I was so happy for him and so proud of him. And it was just like one award that happened in our whole entire company to one executive. And he won this award that year.
And I remember there was like a gold telescope that he came back with that was like the actual award which was interesting, but you know, cool, all the same. And I remember telling him like, hey, I'm so proud of you for winning this award and I just want to congratulate you. And he totally, his face turned red and he seemed to almost not want to be there. He seems so uncomfortable. And for me as somebody looking up to this leader, it just felt off. I was like, what? This is so strange. And in my mind, I'm like, if it was me receiving the award, I would be so happy to be acknowledged. I would acknowledge my team.
I would acknowledge all of the hard work I did, like that's what I thought in my mind. So I just want you to know that this is something that men and women work on. I'm really focused on women here because women are much more likely to be modest, to not want to take up too much space, to feel really embarrassed by all this attention. You know, it's something that, I don't know, I think somehow people learn this growing up. Maybe there's like a fear of getting too much attention or being out there, being vulnerable.
Actually, as I think about it, even my three-year-old, when we go to school sometimes, and she is later than some of her friends, they all come rushing towards her and they're so excited to see her. And it's almost like, and she's still working on her emotions, right? So it could be a bit of emotional regulation too. She is just overwhelmed by the amount of attention she gets and she starts crying. And so then we say, hey, let's give her some space. Let's do that, right?
But you just wanna notice yourself as a grown woman, an executive woman who's getting positive attention, if there are some emotions there that are in the way of you really receiving this attention or if there are some thoughts in the way of that, you wanna notice what that might be and how to lean into this muscle of really accepting positive attention and building the capacity to do so. Because as you do that, as you internalize your achievements you build resiliency in yourself, you build your own ability to empower yourself because you know what you've done and you take full ownership of it.
So with that, let's dive into some of these stats and then I wanna talk to you about what people do in terms of deflecting praise and how you can start working on cultivating this muscle because as you cultivate this muscle, as this muscle gets stronger for you to fully take in compliments, take full ownership of what you've done, you're actually going to be decreasing the amount of imposter syndrome you feel.
I actually recently saw this on Instagram somewhere, some like very senior woman who was very successful said, "Oh, I don't experience imposter syndrome because I know how hard I've worked to get here." So I also want you to notice that imposter syndrome might come up as a thought or a feeling for you.
It may sound like, oh, you're not supposed to be here, or I feel really scared of this, or this is too much for me, I feel overwhelmed. Well, there's an opportunity and a choice to indulge in those thoughts and feelings and stay stuck in imposter syndrome, or there's a choice to work on other skill sets to overcome that imposter syndrome. So instead of just listening to that imposter syndrome, you can question it, you can create evidence for yourself. And this is part of that. As we learn how to fully accept compliments and really take ownership for our achievements, we are taking ownership of that and not just allowing this imposter syndrome just to like run rampant and to indulge in it and stay stuck in it.
So this woman was just like, I don't have imposter syndrome anymore because I know how hard I worked. So I want you to take this message home for yourself too, of an ability to overcome imposter syndrome is really by accepting compliments and taking ownership for your achievements. And Here's why it's so important.
So a study done by KPMG in their Women's Leadership Summit Report, they actually said that 75% of executive women have across multiple various industries report experiencing imposter syndrome at some point in their career. So I wanna say you're not alone here, right? Other people, other high level executive women have experienced this.
But those who practice internalizing positive feedback and celebrating their achievements have shown greater resilience and confidence in their leadership. Accepting compliments allows these leaders to counterbalance self-doubt and imposter syndrome feelings. So that is just one study that underlines the importance of this.
Another study published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology revealed that people who practice accepting compliments show an improvement in self-esteem and perceived competence. Wow! So not only do you feel better about yourself in that self-esteem, but you also perceive your own competence to be higher, right? You actually underline the skill set that you bring.
So for senior leaders, this ability is essential to combating imposter syndrome as it directly helps them internalize their worth and contributions rather than dismissing their achievements. All right, so let's just do one more stat. I'm gonna land it home before we dive into today's lesson, but the Harvard Business Review also highlights that leaders who are adept at receiving positive feedback have higher emotional intelligence and a stronger capacity to lead under pressure.
They are more adept at navigating self-doubt and imposter syndrome, and they build stronger, more trusting relationships within their teams. So leaders who are able to do this and can acknowledge their praise can actually be more effective. So there's a lot of reasons to do this. Of course, there's you showing up as a strong, powerful leader, but it's also the way you lead other people and create trusting relationships with other people.
Okay, so let's talk about what typically happens when people get compliments and how you can start taking ownership for yourself and of this practice. Okay, so oftentimes what I see with women, and I started off with this, is that deflecting, right? Deflecting, downplaying, disowning compliments. So you might say something like, I just got lucky, it wasn't a big deal. These are typical responses and you just wanna check in with yourself. How do I usually respond?
Oftentimes women like to deflect by saying like, oh no, but this was great about you. It's like a trading off of a compliment, which actually I just want you to notice if you do this, it's quite inauthentic, right? Because you might just like, if somebody says to you like, "Oh my gosh, your dress is beautiful." And you say something to them like, "Oh, thank you." And you say, "Oh, I really like your necklace." But maybe you don't really like their necklace. You just said it because it's like an automatic response because you don't want all the attention, right?
Versus being like, "Oh, thank you, I got this dress in London," you know, and go more into you taking up intention and space. You just wanna notice if you're one of those people who like to trade off and like basically redirect the attention to other people. Because what you're saying is that I'm not okay with this attention, let's give it to someone else.
A study by the European Journal of Social Psychology found that 68% of women tend to deflect compliments as they feel uncomfortable receiving praise or don't believe they deserve it. So again, if your mind, if you have imposter syndrome and your mind keeps telling you, you don't deserve it, you're not worth it.
When you push away compliments, you reinforce that belief that you're not truly worthy of recognition, leading to diminished self-confidence and a weaker sense of self-worth. So this is why this is so important. So you just wanna notice, do you deflect it? Do you downplay it? Do you disown it? What are the things that you do? So the more you notice the pattern that you are doing, which is really limiting yourself, how to interrupt or break that pattern.
So let's talk about ways to savor compliments as a confidence-building practice. So you wanna start building the compliment muscle. You can call it whatever you want, but this is really a muscle about accepting compliments. It's like building a new muscle. It gets stronger the more you practice it. When you pause and allow yourself to truly savor a compliment, it can actually shift your internal narrative.
And I actually had a coach once who said, hey, it takes at least 20 seconds to really receive a compliment. And 20 seconds is actually a long time to be in that spotlight. And one of the things that she taught that she was like, this is really helpful. I think it was a tradition. I don't know, I'm not gonna say where because I'm gonna forget. But anyway, it's a tradition where when you receive something or you receive a compliment, you literally say, "I receive, I receive, I receive."
So that came from Dr. Judith Wright, so I just wanna also name her, but this practice is something I actually did. I didn't say it out loud to the person who was praising me, but I literally would just sit in my head and say, "I receive, I receive, I receive," and really take in that 20 seconds to really, you know, allow that compliment to hit me.
So the next time someone compliments you, I want you to resist the urge to deflect. Instead, pause, smile, and say thank you. Then take a moment to reflect on what the compliment says about your skills, abilities, or character.
According to a study done by the American Psychological Association, individuals who consciously accept compliments experience a 20% boost in self-esteem. And over time, they are more resilient in high-stakes situations, like leadership roles. The more you practice this, the bigger your compliment muscle gets, the better able you are to be more resilient in high-stakes situations.
And for all of my executive women out there, those high-stakes situations could be looking like making a decision in a moment where you have a lot of self-doubt, but you remind yourself of the facts, the logic, and your ability to make decisions. This is actually how that muscle, if you grow it, can help you in those high-stakes situations and moments. And as you continue accelerating your career, you're gonna have more and more of that. So this is why it's so important to start building this muscle now.
The next thing you wanna know is that accepting compliments and really taking ownership of them can over time change your self-concept. This shift, when you start accepting compliments, you begin to rewire your brain on how you see yourself. It reinforces the idea that you're valuable, capable, and worthy of recognition. This is crucial for leadership growth and career advancement.
A study from the University of Waterloo talked about how women who actively receive and internalize positive feedback experienced an increase in their overall self-concept, allowing them to step into higher roles with more certainty. You just feel like you have your own back. You feel like I know myself. I understand how I make an impact in the world.
For me, this took time. I didn't always have these beliefs, but I truly have this belief that people are lucky to know me. People are lucky to have me in rooms with them. People are lucky to coach with me. And it's not from a superior standpoint or from an I'm better than anyone standpoint.
It's literally from a standpoint of I know myself, I know my worth, I know the type of quality of person I am, I know how I can give somebody space, how I can really understand their problems, how I can be with them, and I understand that this is valuable. Like connecting with people is valuable. Me connecting with people, they feel lucky because that's my self-concept. I honestly believe that because of what I bring to the table, who I am.
And that practice happened not just overnight. That happened because I started building that compliment muscle, savoring these things and taking true ownership of the compliments that I was getting and also starting to track that for myself and seeing the impact that I make in people's lives. So a practical strategy that I just invite you to get into is to create a compliment journal.
Each time someone compliments you, write it down, reflect on it, maybe tell yourself how is this true and revisit it when self-doubt creeps in. This practice will build a foundation of confidence for you over time. I know a lot of people also like to, when they get praise from colleagues or their boss, or via emails, they like to put it into a folder too. So doing that is again, another really powerful way to collect those compliments, but the next step is to really accept them and not just feel like you're lucky to have it or it was just a fluke or whatever ways your brain offers you to deflect or disown or minimize what's happening.
What I want you to know also is that there's a ripple effect that happens with compliments and clarity. So by learning to accept and internalize compliments, you gain clarity on your unique strengths and the value you bring to your work and relationships. Knowing your gifts with clarity allows you to show up more intentionally, speak with authority and lead with confidence. If you know this to be true, you can be even more impactful as a leader.
So leaders who know their strengths are more likely to inspire confidence in others, advocate for themselves in high-stake conversations, and take up space in decision-making processes. So it could look like this. You're in a meeting, people are talking about a new opportunity in China, and you chime in. And I actually did this in my work. I said, hey, listen, I actually spent three years in China, and we were trying to break into this market. And here are three things that really made it difficult for us to do so. And I'm happy to share with you what we did to mitigate those risks.
So I just jumped in and shared my perspective because I know it is a factual thing that I had a business that I was running in China with a bunch of people and I know what those challenges were and I wanted to help be part of that decision-making because I have special information that I know nobody around the table had.
If I didn't believe that my words matter, if I didn't believe that I have really great experience that I could add, then I might hold myself back and not speak up and not make the impact that I was capable of making in that moment. This is really where your self-concept as a leader creates ripple effects in your world and in your communities because it allows you to show up bigger, bolder, and braver because you are understanding of what it is that your gifts are and your experience and you know it's worthy. And so you'll step more and more into these high-stake conversations than you might've previously done if you discount, disown and deflect compliments.
So lastly, really thinking about this as a way of life. Embracing compliments as a way of life. By practicing the art of accepting compliments, you begin to cultivate a deeper sense of self-worth. This practice will spill into every aspect of your life, from how you show up to work, to how you engage in personal relationships, to how you see yourself in the mirror.
You want to be able to shift the narrative, move from I'm just doing my job to I excel at what I do. This mindset shift creates ripple effects that will transform how others perceive you and how you perceive yourself most importantly.
Here's my closing thought for this episode. Accepting a compliment may seem small, but it's a powerful act of claiming your value and self-worth. When you learn to savor and internalize compliments, you're not just boosting your confidence, you're stepping into a new identity of self-assurance, leadership, and clarity.
So start today. Let your next thank you be the beginning of a powerful shift in how you see yourself. After listening to this episode I challenge you to start a compliment journal for the next 30 days. Write down every compliment you receive and reflect on what it says about your value.
I'd love to hear the compliments you're receiving and how it's made you see yourself differently. So feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn or connect with me and share how this episode has impacted you and your ability to take ownership on overcoming imposter syndrome through truly embracing the power of compliments and positive attention.
All right, listeners, that was today's episode. Go out and do powerful things, accept those compliments and those thank yous. Receive, receive, receive. And I will see you next week. Take good care.
Thank you for being a part of The Balanced Leader community. We hope you found today's episode inspiring and actionable. For more resources and to connect with Yann, visit us at aspire-coaching.co. Until next time, keep leading with confidence and purpose.
In today's episode, we'll explore how learning to fully accept compliments can transform the way you see yourself. Strengthen your leadership and silence self-doubt. Discover the surprising science behind why receiving praise is more than just a nice-to-have. It’s a critical skill that can elevate your career and shift your self-concept from doubt to confidence. Don't miss this opportunity to unlock your full potential and lead with unshakable assurance.
Welcome to The Balanced Leader, hosted by Yann Dang, a Leadership and Life Coach with over 20 years of corporate experience. Drawing from her journey as a former global finance leader and second-generation immigrant, Yann understands the unique challenges women face in male-dominated workplaces.
Each episode offers insights on balancing masculine and feminine energies, mastering soft skills, and building emotional intelligence. Join us to transform frustration into empowerment and unlock your authentic leadership potential.
Hey podcast listeners, welcome to today's show. We are talking about overcoming imposter syndrome by using a simple strategy. And that strategy is really about embracing the power of compliments and positive attention.
So I just want you to check in with yourself and notice from a scale of one to five, how good am I about receiving compliments? So five would be I'm really good. Like if somebody talks to you and tells you that you've done an amazing job on something and that you presented really in a way that impressed them and was clear and confident and you're just like, yes, yes, I know I did that and I feel it in my bones and I received that compliment and I know I worked really hard, then you might be at five.
And then a one would be like super surprised, like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that person actually said that to me. Like, I am floored, I cannot believe that was something that somebody said. Usually people are probably more at like a two or three, right, one is pretty exaggerated. But you just wanna notice because if you are at a one, that just means that there is greater and greater levels of growth for you in terms of overcoming imposter syndrome.
So today's episode is just on this because I oftentimes talk about how for women, the difference between how other people view you and how you view yourself, if there's a big gap in that positive will or positive attention or really great feelings, and you also notice you're somebody who, if somebody says something amazing about you that you love and respect, that you're like, wow, I can really believe it now. I believe that even more than me saying it myself.
You just know that there's opportunity here for you to work on your own self-talk and your ability to truly receive and take in and savor that positive attention. And I wanna share with you why this is such an important practice. I will give you some stats and we're gonna dive into that.
But what happens when we say, oh, I was just lucky, or if somebody says like, hey, you guys, you did an amazing job leading your team to execute on this project and you say oh I actually didn't do that big of a deal it was actually my team they did a great job, it seems really weird it seems like you are not able to attract that attention or accept that attention it makes the other person feel strange. Like, what's up with this person? Do they not see themselves as clearly as I see them? Or am I missing something?
So you're unintentionally telling people when you don't know how to accept a compliment or take it in fully that you somehow don't deserve it, you're not worthy of it, it was just a fluke. And so then there's this unintentional vibe that goes out into the world based on how you feel about yourself. And I want to let you know this is something you can actually control.
And this happened to me once, actually. The CFO of our company actually won this huge award. I remember I was like a finance manager at the time. And I heard about my CFO winning this award, and I was so happy for him and so proud of him. And it was just like one award that happened in our whole entire company to one executive. And he won this award that year.
And I remember there was like a gold telescope that he came back with that was like the actual award which was interesting, but you know, cool, all the same. And I remember telling him like, hey, I'm so proud of you for winning this award and I just want to congratulate you. And he totally, his face turned red and he seemed to almost not want to be there. He seems so uncomfortable. And for me as somebody looking up to this leader, it just felt off. I was like, what? This is so strange. And in my mind, I'm like, if it was me receiving the award, I would be so happy to be acknowledged. I would acknowledge my team.
I would acknowledge all of the hard work I did, like that's what I thought in my mind. So I just want you to know that this is something that men and women work on. I'm really focused on women here because women are much more likely to be modest, to not want to take up too much space, to feel really embarrassed by all this attention. You know, it's something that, I don't know, I think somehow people learn this growing up. Maybe there's like a fear of getting too much attention or being out there, being vulnerable.
Actually, as I think about it, even my three-year-old, when we go to school sometimes, and she is later than some of her friends, they all come rushing towards her and they're so excited to see her. And it's almost like, and she's still working on her emotions, right? So it could be a bit of emotional regulation too. She is just overwhelmed by the amount of attention she gets and she starts crying. And so then we say, hey, let's give her some space. Let's do that, right?
But you just wanna notice yourself as a grown woman, an executive woman who's getting positive attention, if there are some emotions there that are in the way of you really receiving this attention or if there are some thoughts in the way of that, you wanna notice what that might be and how to lean into this muscle of really accepting positive attention and building the capacity to do so. Because as you do that, as you internalize your achievements you build resiliency in yourself, you build your own ability to empower yourself because you know what you've done and you take full ownership of it.
So with that, let's dive into some of these stats and then I wanna talk to you about what people do in terms of deflecting praise and how you can start working on cultivating this muscle because as you cultivate this muscle, as this muscle gets stronger for you to fully take in compliments, take full ownership of what you've done, you're actually going to be decreasing the amount of imposter syndrome you feel.
I actually recently saw this on Instagram somewhere, some like very senior woman who was very successful said, "Oh, I don't experience imposter syndrome because I know how hard I've worked to get here." So I also want you to notice that imposter syndrome might come up as a thought or a feeling for you.
It may sound like, oh, you're not supposed to be here, or I feel really scared of this, or this is too much for me, I feel overwhelmed. Well, there's an opportunity and a choice to indulge in those thoughts and feelings and stay stuck in imposter syndrome, or there's a choice to work on other skill sets to overcome that imposter syndrome. So instead of just listening to that imposter syndrome, you can question it, you can create evidence for yourself. And this is part of that. As we learn how to fully accept compliments and really take ownership for our achievements, we are taking ownership of that and not just allowing this imposter syndrome just to like run rampant and to indulge in it and stay stuck in it.
So this woman was just like, I don't have imposter syndrome anymore because I know how hard I worked. So I want you to take this message home for yourself too, of an ability to overcome imposter syndrome is really by accepting compliments and taking ownership for your achievements. And Here's why it's so important.
So a study done by KPMG in their Women's Leadership Summit Report, they actually said that 75% of executive women have across multiple various industries report experiencing imposter syndrome at some point in their career. So I wanna say you're not alone here, right? Other people, other high level executive women have experienced this.
But those who practice internalizing positive feedback and celebrating their achievements have shown greater resilience and confidence in their leadership. Accepting compliments allows these leaders to counterbalance self-doubt and imposter syndrome feelings. So that is just one study that underlines the importance of this.
Another study published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology revealed that people who practice accepting compliments show an improvement in self-esteem and perceived competence. Wow! So not only do you feel better about yourself in that self-esteem, but you also perceive your own competence to be higher, right? You actually underline the skill set that you bring.
So for senior leaders, this ability is essential to combating imposter syndrome as it directly helps them internalize their worth and contributions rather than dismissing their achievements. All right, so let's just do one more stat. I'm gonna land it home before we dive into today's lesson, but the Harvard Business Review also highlights that leaders who are adept at receiving positive feedback have higher emotional intelligence and a stronger capacity to lead under pressure.
They are more adept at navigating self-doubt and imposter syndrome, and they build stronger, more trusting relationships within their teams. So leaders who are able to do this and can acknowledge their praise can actually be more effective. So there's a lot of reasons to do this. Of course, there's you showing up as a strong, powerful leader, but it's also the way you lead other people and create trusting relationships with other people.
Okay, so let's talk about what typically happens when people get compliments and how you can start taking ownership for yourself and of this practice. Okay, so oftentimes what I see with women, and I started off with this, is that deflecting, right? Deflecting, downplaying, disowning compliments. So you might say something like, I just got lucky, it wasn't a big deal. These are typical responses and you just wanna check in with yourself. How do I usually respond?
Oftentimes women like to deflect by saying like, oh no, but this was great about you. It's like a trading off of a compliment, which actually I just want you to notice if you do this, it's quite inauthentic, right? Because you might just like, if somebody says to you like, "Oh my gosh, your dress is beautiful." And you say something to them like, "Oh, thank you." And you say, "Oh, I really like your necklace." But maybe you don't really like their necklace. You just said it because it's like an automatic response because you don't want all the attention, right?
Versus being like, "Oh, thank you, I got this dress in London," you know, and go more into you taking up intention and space. You just wanna notice if you're one of those people who like to trade off and like basically redirect the attention to other people. Because what you're saying is that I'm not okay with this attention, let's give it to someone else.
A study by the European Journal of Social Psychology found that 68% of women tend to deflect compliments as they feel uncomfortable receiving praise or don't believe they deserve it. So again, if your mind, if you have imposter syndrome and your mind keeps telling you, you don't deserve it, you're not worth it.
When you push away compliments, you reinforce that belief that you're not truly worthy of recognition, leading to diminished self-confidence and a weaker sense of self-worth. So this is why this is so important. So you just wanna notice, do you deflect it? Do you downplay it? Do you disown it? What are the things that you do? So the more you notice the pattern that you are doing, which is really limiting yourself, how to interrupt or break that pattern.
So let's talk about ways to savor compliments as a confidence-building practice. So you wanna start building the compliment muscle. You can call it whatever you want, but this is really a muscle about accepting compliments. It's like building a new muscle. It gets stronger the more you practice it. When you pause and allow yourself to truly savor a compliment, it can actually shift your internal narrative.
And I actually had a coach once who said, hey, it takes at least 20 seconds to really receive a compliment. And 20 seconds is actually a long time to be in that spotlight. And one of the things that she taught that she was like, this is really helpful. I think it was a tradition. I don't know, I'm not gonna say where because I'm gonna forget. But anyway, it's a tradition where when you receive something or you receive a compliment, you literally say, "I receive, I receive, I receive."
So that came from Dr. Judith Wright, so I just wanna also name her, but this practice is something I actually did. I didn't say it out loud to the person who was praising me, but I literally would just sit in my head and say, "I receive, I receive, I receive," and really take in that 20 seconds to really, you know, allow that compliment to hit me.
So the next time someone compliments you, I want you to resist the urge to deflect. Instead, pause, smile, and say thank you. Then take a moment to reflect on what the compliment says about your skills, abilities, or character.
According to a study done by the American Psychological Association, individuals who consciously accept compliments experience a 20% boost in self-esteem. And over time, they are more resilient in high-stakes situations, like leadership roles. The more you practice this, the bigger your compliment muscle gets, the better able you are to be more resilient in high-stakes situations.
And for all of my executive women out there, those high-stakes situations could be looking like making a decision in a moment where you have a lot of self-doubt, but you remind yourself of the facts, the logic, and your ability to make decisions. This is actually how that muscle, if you grow it, can help you in those high-stakes situations and moments. And as you continue accelerating your career, you're gonna have more and more of that. So this is why it's so important to start building this muscle now.
The next thing you wanna know is that accepting compliments and really taking ownership of them can over time change your self-concept. This shift, when you start accepting compliments, you begin to rewire your brain on how you see yourself. It reinforces the idea that you're valuable, capable, and worthy of recognition. This is crucial for leadership growth and career advancement.
A study from the University of Waterloo talked about how women who actively receive and internalize positive feedback experienced an increase in their overall self-concept, allowing them to step into higher roles with more certainty. You just feel like you have your own back. You feel like I know myself. I understand how I make an impact in the world.
For me, this took time. I didn't always have these beliefs, but I truly have this belief that people are lucky to know me. People are lucky to have me in rooms with them. People are lucky to coach with me. And it's not from a superior standpoint or from an I'm better than anyone standpoint.
It's literally from a standpoint of I know myself, I know my worth, I know the type of quality of person I am, I know how I can give somebody space, how I can really understand their problems, how I can be with them, and I understand that this is valuable. Like connecting with people is valuable. Me connecting with people, they feel lucky because that's my self-concept. I honestly believe that because of what I bring to the table, who I am.
And that practice happened not just overnight. That happened because I started building that compliment muscle, savoring these things and taking true ownership of the compliments that I was getting and also starting to track that for myself and seeing the impact that I make in people's lives. So a practical strategy that I just invite you to get into is to create a compliment journal.
Each time someone compliments you, write it down, reflect on it, maybe tell yourself how is this true and revisit it when self-doubt creeps in. This practice will build a foundation of confidence for you over time. I know a lot of people also like to, when they get praise from colleagues or their boss, or via emails, they like to put it into a folder too. So doing that is again, another really powerful way to collect those compliments, but the next step is to really accept them and not just feel like you're lucky to have it or it was just a fluke or whatever ways your brain offers you to deflect or disown or minimize what's happening.
What I want you to know also is that there's a ripple effect that happens with compliments and clarity. So by learning to accept and internalize compliments, you gain clarity on your unique strengths and the value you bring to your work and relationships. Knowing your gifts with clarity allows you to show up more intentionally, speak with authority and lead with confidence. If you know this to be true, you can be even more impactful as a leader.
So leaders who know their strengths are more likely to inspire confidence in others, advocate for themselves in high-stake conversations, and take up space in decision-making processes. So it could look like this. You're in a meeting, people are talking about a new opportunity in China, and you chime in. And I actually did this in my work. I said, hey, listen, I actually spent three years in China, and we were trying to break into this market. And here are three things that really made it difficult for us to do so. And I'm happy to share with you what we did to mitigate those risks.
So I just jumped in and shared my perspective because I know it is a factual thing that I had a business that I was running in China with a bunch of people and I know what those challenges were and I wanted to help be part of that decision-making because I have special information that I know nobody around the table had.
If I didn't believe that my words matter, if I didn't believe that I have really great experience that I could add, then I might hold myself back and not speak up and not make the impact that I was capable of making in that moment. This is really where your self-concept as a leader creates ripple effects in your world and in your communities because it allows you to show up bigger, bolder, and braver because you are understanding of what it is that your gifts are and your experience and you know it's worthy. And so you'll step more and more into these high-stake conversations than you might've previously done if you discount, disown and deflect compliments.
So lastly, really thinking about this as a way of life. Embracing compliments as a way of life. By practicing the art of accepting compliments, you begin to cultivate a deeper sense of self-worth. This practice will spill into every aspect of your life, from how you show up to work, to how you engage in personal relationships, to how you see yourself in the mirror.
You want to be able to shift the narrative, move from I'm just doing my job to I excel at what I do. This mindset shift creates ripple effects that will transform how others perceive you and how you perceive yourself most importantly.
Here's my closing thought for this episode. Accepting a compliment may seem small, but it's a powerful act of claiming your value and self-worth. When you learn to savor and internalize compliments, you're not just boosting your confidence, you're stepping into a new identity of self-assurance, leadership, and clarity.
So start today. Let your next thank you be the beginning of a powerful shift in how you see yourself. After listening to this episode I challenge you to start a compliment journal for the next 30 days. Write down every compliment you receive and reflect on what it says about your value.
I'd love to hear the compliments you're receiving and how it's made you see yourself differently. So feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn or connect with me and share how this episode has impacted you and your ability to take ownership on overcoming imposter syndrome through truly embracing the power of compliments and positive attention.
All right, listeners, that was today's episode. Go out and do powerful things, accept those compliments and those thank yous. Receive, receive, receive. And I will see you next week. Take good care.
Thank you for being a part of The Balanced Leader community. We hope you found today's episode inspiring and actionable. For more resources and to connect with Yann, visit us at aspire-coaching.co. Until next time, keep leading with confidence and purpose.
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